


Batman and the Three Robins

by derryderrydown



Category: Batman - Fandom, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-07
Updated: 2009-12-07
Packaged: 2017-10-04 05:51:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derryderrydown/pseuds/derryderrydown





	Batman and the Three Robins

Once upon a time there was an obsessive vigilante. His butler, Alfred, made him a lovely black cloak, so people started calling the obsessive vigilante Little Black Riding Hood. However, the vigilante beat them up. After some negotiation, they all settled on Batman as a nice name.

One day, Batman was skipping through Gotham, delivering pain to a superstitious and cowardly lot of criminals. However, when fighting one particular criminal, Batman was injured. He ran away and looked for somewhere to hide out.

In a very dodgy industrial area, he found a warehouse that had somebody living in it. However, she was dancing around with a blowtorch, singing about how she was dancing for her life. Batman decided he didn't want to hide out with somebody even more mentally unstable than himself, so he went into the warehouse next door.

On a table, there were three bowls. The biggest bowl was filled with sugar-coated breakfast cereal. Batman took a mouthful and spat it out. The middle bowl had a burger. Batman pulled a face and ignored it. The smallest bowl contained macrobiotic, organic porridge with a precise calorie count on the side. Batman smiled happily and gobbled it all up.  
By now it was dawn and Batman didn't like to go out during the day. He looked around and saw three beds, so decided to spend the day in the warehouse.

The biggest bed was too soft. Batman didn't like soft beds, so he moved on to the next.

The middle bed was too messy. Batman didn't like things to be messy, which is why he employed _one_ person to keep the whole of his mansion - and his cave - clean and tidy.

The smallest bed was rock hard, with mathematically precise hospital corners on the sheets. Batman smiled happily and snuggled down to sleep.

The sky was just darkening when he was woken by the sound of people coming into the warehouse.

"Somebody's been eating my cereal!" said the oldest one.

"Somebody's been turning their nose up at my burger!" said the bloodstained one.

The one wearing tights, rather than panties, frowned and started dusting his bowl for fingerprints.

Very annoyed, they decided to go to bed. After some discussion, they decided they'd each go to their own bed.

"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!" said the oldest one.

"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!" said the bloodstained one.

The one wearing tights studied the man in his bed. Finally, he turned off the lights and climbed into bed. He didn't say anything except, "Oh, yes, more, more, more!" and "Harder!" for the rest of the night.

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
